my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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