he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha