well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash