it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat