Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
