Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
would you consider him our boss?
then technically i slept with our boss
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
These 21 People Came Up With Hilarious Excuses For Their Hickies
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in