Texts From Last Night

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  (585): View more from New York

  it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.

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  (585): it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident. http://tfl.nu/668s
  Replies (9) Good night (1136) Bad night (526)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.

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  (250): I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can. http://tfl.nu/1tw1
  Replies (16) Good night (3260) Bad night (759)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.

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  (678): I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job. http://tfl.nu/y0of
  Replies (13) Good night (986) Bad night (3360)
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged

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  (765): You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged http://tfl.nu/je5z
  Replies (8) Good night (1079) Bad night (3586)
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?

  (720): View more from Colorado

  This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?

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  (605): So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win? (720): This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok? http://tfl.nu/drjm
  Replies (98) Good night (2782) Bad night (5885)
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  (339): View more from Massachusetts

  He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.

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  (339): He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning. http://tfl.nu/40hx
  Replies (10) Good night (2327) Bad night (5581)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months

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  (978): i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months http://tfl.nu/y63w
  Replies (20) Good night (4411) Bad night (1309)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.

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  (201): I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it. http://tfl.nu/v1ti
  Replies (9) Good night (1074) Bad night (3031)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands

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  (617): the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands http://tfl.nu/ha5y
  Replies (15) Good night (7134) Bad night (1695)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.

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  (330): WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL. http://tfl.nu/0dj7
  Replies (12) Good night (5221) Bad night (939)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.

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  (217): dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws. http://tfl.nu/yoz5
  Replies (5) Good night (1157) Bad night (1385)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories

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  (706): Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories http://tfl.nu/hpss
  Replies (5) Good night (2004) Bad night (767)
• Favorite

  (254): View more from Texas

  I have a surprise for you

  (1-254): View more from Texas

  Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!

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  (254): I have a surprise for you (1-254): Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy! http://tfl.nu/af5l
  Replies (5) Good night (2463) Bad night (617)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.

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  (720): hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now. http://tfl.nu/pc1n
  Replies (8) Good night (1572) Bad night (459)
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF

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  (267): he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment (267): HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF http://tfl.nu/xvhl
  Replies (3) Good night (861) Bad night (467)

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