Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it