Welp...herpes.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
