I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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