Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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