Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
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I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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