Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
