i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
