Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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