yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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