Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Randomize
