And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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