Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
