I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
