how hairy? two words: wookie tits
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
