**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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