i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
