I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
