I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
