I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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