AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
