we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
