So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
