i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
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