I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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