he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
