i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I pour the whiskey from now on
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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