she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
