it was like his penis was on wheels.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
