I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
