I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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