My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Randomize