Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
