I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
