then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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