idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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