i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
