Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
