dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
