Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
