Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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