I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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