You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
