I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
