on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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