As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
