It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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