Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
