i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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