nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
