I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You can't just leave with hair like that
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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