I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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