Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
