My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
he fucked my hip out of place.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
And then he peed in my hair
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