is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
