you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
