Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Randomize