Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
