Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Randomize
